Dating and Beliefs

#1
Hi all,

Just curious, to any of you that are married or in relationships, what sort of beliefs does your spouse or SO have? Do they have similar or are they different?

I have been seeing someone for about two months now. She is a graduate student and she (in my opinion) everything you could want in a girlfriend.Except for one thing, she is a die in the wool atheist/materialist. She is not even opened mined to the idea of an afterlife, psi etc. Back when I was a lot more active with this material, I spent hours trying to get a grip on these topics. I am always open to being wrong, but I felt that I came to an intellectual honest conclusion based on the data. Well like most people, she hasn't spent the amount of time researching this stuff that people in this forum have. I did not think that her views would matter that much but they do, her staunch opposition to them, even though she has not done the reseach that I have. We have talked about it a couple times and she always comes off (in a kind way) like I have some sort of gap in my logic. I realized how important is was for me to her to be also open to my beliefs and maybe come towards agnoisticism. I talked to her about it and she thought I was overacting and it wasn't that important.


I just want different opinions on the subject.....
 
#2
I find it difficult to discuss my views on ψ in real life. I know my partner has some idea that I am interested in ψ, but I don't push it. I have a friend whose wife spent a long time on chemo before dying relatively recently. I tried to discuss NDE's and what they probably meant, but I had to drop the subject. However, if someone had discussed such subjects with me when I was at your stage in life, I would probably have had the same reaction - I was very materialist (in philosophical outlook, I mean) back then.

The taboos regarding ψ seem to run deep inside us.

My advice would probably be to continue with her, and not make too much of it all. Couples don't have to share identical outlooks on everything!

David
 
#3
'Everything you could want in a girlfriend'. Really? I'd keep her then! ;)

Seriously though, I don't know, but I think that it is such a big thing for me, that it would surely come between us sooner or later. (Ooh err, Dooble entendres or what? :eek: Not deliberate). Having a totally different worldview is not something that I think a long term relationship would be able to grow on, for me at least.

Only my 2c/p
 
#4
Having a totally different worldview is not something that I think a long term relationship would be able to grow on, for me at least.
The thing is that our side takes the view that we should really to look at the data, and Buggy's girlfriend isn't religious but materialist. We know that materialism has its own belief system, but it isn't anything like as troublesome as a religious clash would be. Materialists think they look at the data too, and therefore they can't be totally opposed to a re-evaluation of their position (my story) as opposed to a religious person who may simply take the view that all evidence against their position is the work of the devil. I think someone like that would be much harder to have as a partner.

David
 
#5
Hi all,

Just curious, to any of you that are married or in relationships, what sort of beliefs does your spouse or SO have? Do they have similar or are they different?

I have been seeing someone for about two months now. She is a graduate student and she (in my opinion) everything you could want in a girlfriend.Except for one thing, she is a die in the wool atheist/materialist. She is not even opened mined to the idea of an afterlife, psi etc. Back when I was a lot more active with this material, I spent hours trying to get a grip on these topics. I am always open to being wrong, but I felt that I came to an intellectual honest conclusion based on the data. Well like most people, she hasn't spent the amount of time researching this stuff that people in this forum have. I did not think that her views would matter that much but they do, her staunch opposition to them, even though she has not done the reseach that I have. We have talked about it a couple times and she always comes off (in a kind way) like I have some sort of gap in my logic. I realized how important is was for me to her to be also open to my beliefs and maybe come towards agnoisticism. I talked to her about it and she thought I was overacting and it wasn't that important.


I just want different opinions on the subject.....
My wife is quite similar, Buggy. She doesn't want to know about death and survival of such so we don't discuss it. I find it quite astonishing how badly informed many people are...."Oh that's just the chemicals in the brain, Susan Whatjamacallit said so ! "... and she knows her stuff.
 
#6
I think someone like that would be much harder to have as a partner.
I couldn't see myself ever having any kind of meaningful relationship with a 'the bible says this so that's the truth' type person. I suppose you just know when you're comfortable with someone and I'm assuming the same applies in reverse. If all you're both interested in is sex for example then go for it! I suppose we all go through that phase though, what's left on the other side is maybe what we should base any big decisions on. :)
 
#7
I have a friend whose wife spent a long time on chemo before dying relatively recently. I tried to discuss NDE's and what they probably meant, but I had to drop the subject.
Now that is very interesting. I've had the very same experience. I think by and large many people have been so conditioned by scientific rationalism that they just can't get their heads around the possibility that death is not the end . You did the right thing in trying to give someone hope it's just that the idea that an invisible entity (the real you) can leave the body at death is so incredibly difficult for people to accept that they simply can't believe it.

And then think about the man who was dead for 25 minutes in Dr Lloyd Rudy's operating theatre and "described the scene" floating around etc. It's a real shame IMHO.

EDIT
I would add that in general (and I'm sure you are well aware) it's probably not a good idea (however well meant) to offer NDE evidence as a help to people that know they're dying. Is the term cheap grace suitable here, dunno but I suspect many would think of it as flippant I suppose.
 
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Sciborg_S_Patel

#8
All my girlfriends have actually had stronger beliefs in God and such than mine.I've not really encountered any hard core materialists in my romantic life, even the one hard ex-Catholic atheist was actually the person who pointed me to Sheldrake!

I've also figured its best not to push Gnosticism...not a good idea to ask "Do you think the world is a vampire, sent to drain? That Secret Destroyers hold you up to the flames?"

At least not until the third date. ;)
 
#9
All my girlfriends have actually had stronger beliefs in God and such than mine.I've not really encountered any hard core materialists in my romantic life, even the one hard ex-Catholic atheist was actually the person who pointed me to Sheldrake!

I've also figured its best not to push Gnosticism...not a good idea to ask "Do you think the world is a vampire, sent to drain? That Secret Destroyers hold you up to the flames?"

At least not until the third date. ;)
I think it's possible to have a relationship based on other things that you might have in common, at least that was the case for me. I've been married nearly twenty years now but I don't remember ever having a girlfriend who spent much time thinking about existential stuff. Maybe they did but thought I looked too dumb to bring it up, who knows.
 
S

Sciborg_S_Patel

#10
I think it's possible to have a relationship based on other things that you might have in common, at least that was the case for me. I've been married nearly twenty years now but I don't remember ever having a girlfriend who spent much time thinking about existential stuff. Maybe they did but thought I looked too dumb to bring it up, who knows.
Yeah faith rarely comes up until the relationship gets more serious. The one time I recall praying with an ex was a long term relationship where I was living with her.
 
#11
My daughter recently mentioned the same exact problem to me. She has one understanding and her boyfriend, the best one she has had so far is a materialist. I just reminded her that I was also a materialist for many years and that people change. Or they don't. You can't predict what is going to happen to someone that may completely change their viewpoint. That is, if they are someone who is naturally curious and generally open to new ideas.
 
#14
I've also figured its best not to push Gnosticism...not a good idea to ask "Do you think the world is a vampire, sent to drain? That Secret Destroyers hold you up to the flames?"
Haha brilliant.... Actually that chat up line would have worked wonders with me, Sciborg, so you never know ! Anyway, I'm already married :)

As for Buggy's question: I think that unless your whole life revolves around ψ (I hope not) you can simply share this interest with like-minded people and not with your girlfriend - I think it's actually healthy not to expect one's 'romantic partner' to be an exact copy of oneself. And anyway, as others have pointed out already, people can change - I'm living proof of this: your girlfriend sounds exactly like me until 3 years ago. I was always a "gnostic at heart" in my attitude to life (metaphorically speaking), but I certainly automatically disbelieved any phenomenon that the current scientific paradigm rules out.
Also, in my opinion it's much better to be with someone who will question your beliefs/experiences (respectfully, of course) rather than with somebody who uncritically believes in all things "spiritual" (which makes people vulnerable to charlatans, frauds etc).
 
#15
Hi all,

Just curious, to any of you that are married or in relationships, what sort of beliefs does your spouse or SO have? Do they have similar or are they different?

I have been seeing someone for about two months now. She is a graduate student and she (in my opinion) everything you could want in a girlfriend.Except for one thing, she is a die in the wool atheist/materialist. She is not even opened mined to the idea of an afterlife, psi etc. Back when I was a lot more active with this material, I spent hours trying to get a grip on these topics. I am always open to being wrong, but I felt that I came to an intellectual honest conclusion based on the data. Well like most people, she hasn't spent the amount of time researching this stuff that people in this forum have. I did not think that her views would matter that much but they do, her staunch opposition to them, even though she has not done the reseach that I have. We have talked about it a couple times and she always comes off (in a kind way) like I have some sort of gap in my logic. I realized how important is was for me to her to be also open to my beliefs and maybe come towards agnoisticism. I talked to her about it and she thought I was overacting and it wasn't that important.


I just want different opinions on the subject.....
I think atheism, or a least a strong criticism of religion, is a necessary stage of accepting spirituality as a realistic explanation of existence.
 
S

Sciborg_S_Patel

#18
That's one thing I've never done, Sci.:)
Ah she was my girlfriend at the time, didn't pray with her after the relationship. Not sure if that was clear in my last post.

And it's been a long time since I've prayed - at least in a fully committed way rather than a "let me cover my bases just in case" way.
 
#19
Maybe you dated a girl who had the worlds most mind blowing NDE and you never knew it.
One of my ex's used to work with the dying, Steve. She knew about my interest in NDE's but used to laugh at me and call me a "god botherer"

"Why do you waste your time thinking about things like that" etc. She was quite materialistic but she told me about the experiences that dying patients report.
 
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