tarantulanebula,
Understanding flows both ways… I too, now understand that you did not harbor any ill will towards this unborn child. The world is both cruel and kind. But the more kindness we bring to it, the better we make it.
Be well.
I thought about this for quite several hours, for determining whether should I explain myself more clearly.
I thought I should not explain anything any more. But then I still feel obliged to make it clear.
When she had started her pregnancy this time, more than three months ago, and she went to hospital to verify her pregnancy approximately two months ago, her situation was like this:
1, She had been caused by her husband "man made abortions (or artificial abortions? I don't know the proper English phrase)" "too many times" (epithet by herself, I don't know the exact number).
So she dreaded one more abortion could heavily harm health of her reproductive system and could potentially permanently cause her sterile in the future, so she was eager to save this child.
2, Her job was busy and was in a state not quite allowing her to leave.
At that time, what I did:
1, Encouraged her to apply an one-month vacation (also suggested by the hospital doctors) to rest and save this embryo.
2, Helped her many things when she was absent from her job, prevented company profit loss or client complaint caused by her absent, prevented her absent decision from being blamed by our boss, and managed an easy and relatively comfortable environment prepared for her returning back to work after her vacation ended.
3, Blamed myself for doing these for a potential impure motivation, but still did those things anyway, and later I found out if I hadn't done those things, her conditions would have caused her fainting down because of those mess and fatigue.
At that time, what her husband did:
1, Asked her to do "man made abortion" for one more time, after "too many times" before.
2, Asked her to take metro alone to go to work and come home, everyday, instead of driving her work or home. She said she hated the odor in the metro carriage and nauseous several mornings. She also said her husband didn't care.
3, Blamed her for saving this child, because it gave him additional burden in his "crucial period of his career". (If it was crucial, he could still have a very joyous mood to make his wife pregnant? What a damn husband he is?)
So, it was her husband who harbored ill will towards THEIR unborn child, not me.
Me? If her husband loved her so much so much, she would feel no difficulty and she would seem perfected attended and she would appear super joyful for being loved by the man she loves so much, and I would find no necessity to help her anything and I would not pay attention to her at all.
My like to her is heavily caused by her difficulty and disadvantageous situation, it seems that my "like feeling" can and only can be caused by a strong sympathy for a lady who is in difficulty. If a lady is in a status of "all taken care" and "super joyfulness", I will just pass by and not give her a single glimpse, no matter how pretty she could be.
I wanted to know how abortions influence a woman, because I was thinking whether some women's husbands are evil or stupid, for treating their wives like straw women, littered them around like rag dolls, do not give them a love any man should give to the vulnerable ladies nearby.