Wow, interesting! See, I can't explain why or what the aliens are. I really DON'T want to believe. I don't know why, I mean it makes sense there would be "others" out there. I was just telling what I saw & what happened, because one day somebody might need to know this weirdness.
What is real and normal can never be the same thing again - and that's traumatic - ontological and existential shock.
In an important sense you are saying not that your don't want to believe, but you don't want to know - the shock of confronting non-conforming knowledge will send us into denial if we think that knowing is a threat to our sense of self and reality. Its self-protective. This why initiation into the Mysteries is traumatic and dangerous and was done under guidance (human or spirit).
These days we get slammed with what are seemingly random acts of violence against our sense of the normal - and we react because there's no conscious sense of context or guidance or support. But there is, almost always. If we could see deeply and trust, maybe we'd behave differently?