Hurmanetar
New
She is not a charming girl to everyone, the aspect of that I like her is especially from many times, people surrounding her frequently chose not to care her, even including her husband.
Yes, she is pregnant, but many people surrounding her didn't take care of her.
I found I'm this kind of man: I never can be attracted by super beauty who can obsess almost everyone more or less, I always love a girl who is in a helpless and vulnerable situation. I like her so much because her husband seems not caring about her.
And I dread her husband will not love her and accompany her in her arduous future. Namely I dread her husband will discard her in some time. So my love to her generated from this stand point, a longing sympathy. In my eyes, her defects are all adorable, far more adorable than the perfect popular star or super attractive celebrities.
I don't want to have romance with her. I want to escort her, help her, make her happy, and I don't want her husband to discard her or treat her badly.
I'm so helpless, I care about her happiness even more than herself. Of course I have no right to say this, because I didn't sacrifice a lot for her. But in case her husband didn't sacrifice a lot, and even leeched from her? It seems to me that her husband really doesn't love her so much.
I love a girl because she is in a disadvantage and perhaps piteous. This is not all a romance. But yeah romance yearning helplessly rose from this. Like my heart is stupidly soft I want to have a story in which I saved a girl in need then she also likes me so she want and need my love.
I don't want to waste my love to someone who is in such an advantage situation where she would find it to be a joke that my love would ever be needed.
I always want to love someone who is in need of them. She doesn't need my love, but she needs my help. A subtle and tormenting case, twisting and sorrowful both to her and to me.
Your feelings are completely understandable... there's a reason that all over the earth stories are told and re-told of the dragon holding captive the virgin and the knight heroically charging in to slay the dragon and save the virgin. It is very deep within a man's nature to want to rescue the helpless "pure" (as he sees her in the early stages of romance) girl from the captivity of the villain.
There is a danger however in superimposing these archetypes too rigidly over your situation: nothing always fits perfectly and entirely into the archetypal story. She is not as pure and helpless as she seems. You are not as heroic as you seem. The husband is not as much a dragon as he seems. Real life is more complicated than a story and while at times real life is a manifestation of these elements of story, every real life story is unique and constantly changing. Although you see the husband as the dragon holding her captive in an emotionally dismal dank dungeon, perhaps the husband would see the situation as Odysseus returning from a long heroic journey to find his wife surrounded by threatening suitors and is wondering whether she will be faithful to him?
And let's say the situation eventually progresses and you become the husband... there will be times where you manifest the emotionally cold dragon too and there will be times when she manifests the emotionally cold dragon imprisoning you. There will be many times when you are incapable of fulfilling her emotional needs and then what happens? Does she go searching for her needs elsewhere like she seems to be doing right now? Is this a pattern of behavior with her?
I'm not trying to tell you what you should do exactly... well okay I am telling you exactly that you should get away from her as long as she is married. The last thing a married person needs to do is take pity on a single lonely young person of the opposite sex and develop an emotional connection to that person. That is unfaithful and unwise. Doesn't matter if the person he/she is married to seems to be a brute. And if a new relationship is founded while still in a marriage that sows some bad seeds of distrust and dishonesty and they will bear bad fruit in the future.
If she gets divorced of her own free will and without your influence, then go pursue her, but beware that if her husband really is a thoroughly mean heartless brute, then she probably needs about 5 years or more to work out some emotional traumas and she will take that out on you at times. You'll be walking through a minefield and not understand what the hell happened when you step on an emotional bomb connected to her past. And a big part of the problem will be you because there are things about yourself that you had no idea were a problem until she provides the mirror you needed to see yourself truthfully. If her current husband is not really a thoroughly mean heartless brute deserving of divorce, then it casts doubt on her faithfulness: will she divorce on a whim because she doesn't feel her needs are met just precisely the way she wants? And then you'll always feel like you have to compete with others to keep her and that is miserable.
So ideally you'd give her a few years after divorce for her to figure out who she really is, but I know asking for that much patience is completely unrealistic and she's likely to accept one of the first suitors that comes along as soon as she's single again because she needs emotional connection, so go ahead and be the hero and jump right in there (after divorce; IF there is a divorce).
I'm mainly trying to dispel the myth that your happiness depends on rescuing and attaining this girl. It is true that if you have a few foundational necessities (mutual attraction, similar intelligence, a few similar interests, not radically different worldviews, commitment, and some tools for dealing with conflict) you can eventually build a happy relationship after years of hard work and self-sacrifice. But the chances are very high if not 100% that within a few days or weeks or months after starting a relationship with her you might find yourself wondering what the hell happened and waffling on whether or not to get out of it now before any more misery is inflicted. But I understand... I was told the same thing, and I said, "What, a challenge?? Challenge accepted!! All the more opportunity to be heroic!" (I am now recently and happily married, but I've been in the same relationship for about 6 years so it took quite a while to get here! And I wouldn't have made it here and we wouldn't have made it through what we've made it through if we didn't have the psychological tools to find happiness independently of circumstances)
Last edited: