Pollux
New
Paranormal investigator, author and radio-host John E.L. Tenney had a not so nice NDE when he was 17, which set him upon his path for his adult life.
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"Please understand that some of the words I use and the descriptions of my experience will fail to accurately explain what I remember. The memories I have of the event do not have words or descriptions which is part of why the experience was so horrific./../
The meat and potatoes of the experience itself, the biological component, is secondary and plays little part in what I experienced when I died so let’s get right to what people want – the experience itself.
I could simply write, “Awareness inside of nothing …forever” and I would be fine with that description but you, the reader probably would not be satisfied.
A “traditional” NDE is usually talked about as “bright lights, a white tunnel, relatives who have passed away beckoning you into the light, warmth, happiness and eternal love”. My was very much the opposite of that.
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At some point I became aware that I was aware.
It was dark, I felt blind, I tried to reach my hand up in front of my eyes and realized I didn’t have a hand, or an arm or eyes. I tried to scream but found I had no mouth. Indeed I was only awareness without physical form. My body no longer existed I was only a mind.
I was there forever. As strange as that sounds it’s true. There was no time where I was and therefore I was there forever, trapped in infinity, unable to scream, move, and also unable to be unaware of my awareness. I couldn’t shut it out because I was it. There was only me, my mind, alone inside of infinity.
Although aware that I could not scream I still tried, I tried for millions of years to scream and when it didn’t work, I tried for a million more, knowing that it would never work.
I wanted to cry, but again there can be no tears when your have no body to produce them. I knew who I had been but at some point realized this was now who I was.
No one - nothing in the middle of nothing - forever.
I wanted anything, hope, happiness, sadness, pain, something that would let me feel because I knew if I could feel something it would mean that there was something other than nothing. Fear became a friend because it was something, still though it was fear.
Every now and then the fear would return. It was the only thing I knew. Since time doesn’t exist when the fear returned it returned constantly and forever and I would try screaming again, and again and again and again.
At some point, after forever an idea became me. The idea was, “stay nothing forever or become everything.”
I knew from being inside the nothing for infinity I had to choose “everything”
and I opened my eyes.
There it was - everything.
People, smells, sights, sounds, happiness, pain, fear, life. And it was beautiful.
The day I died was the most horrific part of my life, and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me."
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"Please understand that some of the words I use and the descriptions of my experience will fail to accurately explain what I remember. The memories I have of the event do not have words or descriptions which is part of why the experience was so horrific./../
The meat and potatoes of the experience itself, the biological component, is secondary and plays little part in what I experienced when I died so let’s get right to what people want – the experience itself.
I could simply write, “Awareness inside of nothing …forever” and I would be fine with that description but you, the reader probably would not be satisfied.
A “traditional” NDE is usually talked about as “bright lights, a white tunnel, relatives who have passed away beckoning you into the light, warmth, happiness and eternal love”. My was very much the opposite of that.
—
At some point I became aware that I was aware.
It was dark, I felt blind, I tried to reach my hand up in front of my eyes and realized I didn’t have a hand, or an arm or eyes. I tried to scream but found I had no mouth. Indeed I was only awareness without physical form. My body no longer existed I was only a mind.
I was there forever. As strange as that sounds it’s true. There was no time where I was and therefore I was there forever, trapped in infinity, unable to scream, move, and also unable to be unaware of my awareness. I couldn’t shut it out because I was it. There was only me, my mind, alone inside of infinity.
Although aware that I could not scream I still tried, I tried for millions of years to scream and when it didn’t work, I tried for a million more, knowing that it would never work.
I wanted to cry, but again there can be no tears when your have no body to produce them. I knew who I had been but at some point realized this was now who I was.
No one - nothing in the middle of nothing - forever.
I wanted anything, hope, happiness, sadness, pain, something that would let me feel because I knew if I could feel something it would mean that there was something other than nothing. Fear became a friend because it was something, still though it was fear.
Every now and then the fear would return. It was the only thing I knew. Since time doesn’t exist when the fear returned it returned constantly and forever and I would try screaming again, and again and again and again.
At some point, after forever an idea became me. The idea was, “stay nothing forever or become everything.”
I knew from being inside the nothing for infinity I had to choose “everything”
and I opened my eyes.
There it was - everything.
People, smells, sights, sounds, happiness, pain, fear, life. And it was beautiful.
The day I died was the most horrific part of my life, and it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me."