I think you and I are roughly in the same place. One thing is for sure, most of what we think we know, likely isn't true, as far as most mainstream narratives are concerned.
It's the finding of a firm footing after your worldview is blown to pieces that's the trouble. There's a lot a charlatans, opportunists, controlled opposition (that's a hard one, it's so easy to see it everywhere while knowing it's just not possible that EVERYONE is a shill) and yes, plain old crazies.
Truth becomes murky to say the least. It's funny; the more I search for truth, the more I find myself in exactly the same spot: clueless!
Complicating issues is, I think I might be an empath. I am most definitely HSP, but possibly also an empath. Like most things, it's got it's good points and it's bad points. The good is that I can easily understand varying, even conflicting points of view. It's almost second nature for me to be able to put myself in someone else's shoes and understand their perspective. The down side is, I can easily understand varying points of view and almost blend myself seamlessly with others. So, what is a blessing is also a curse. It makes it very easy to lose yourself in ideas or others identities.
Consequently, I think I developed an almost overly rational approach, too often dismissing the emotional side.
Over the years, I've learned to put up healthy boundaries, but it's still difficult. I've also found that sometimes, when I'm struggling with confusion and getting lost in the chaos that is our culture nowadays, centering myself, clearing my mind and allowing that small inner voice that is all too often silenced to have its say often brings me to a place of peace and a certain level of understanding.
I can't say I know just what in the hell is going on in this crazy world (and getting crazier, it seems) but I can find my center when I need to, and it keeps me sane...mostly ;).
Much has been said lately of secret Satanists or Luciferians, hell, there's even debate as to whether there's a real difference between the two. Most people dismiss it. I did for a very long time. I still am not sure that "Satanists rule the world". But the more time I spent paying attention (and cutting oneself off from the majority of media is crucial for this, you cannot see what you are immersed in) the more it just all jumps out at you.
I remember when invoking Satan and being all dark and weird was for performers like Alice Cooper. These over-the-top shows that we're meant to shock and entertain but in a fake way. It was almost comical. Now? You have mainstream pop stars like Justin Bieber, Jay Z, Kanye, Kisha (sp?), The Weeknd and Panic at the Disco all using this same imagery, blatantly posting symbols, invoking Satan in their songs, and using imagery on stage. I mean, it's blatant. You really can't deny that. You can debate what it all means. But you cannot deny it's there.
I'll out myself here, but decades ago when I was in high school, such things in the mainstream would have been looked upon with derision and horror and likely rejected. Again, it was some weird thing the weird kids were into.
Just watch the music videos, I find them quite shocking. Even my husband, who grew up listening to Slayer, Iron Maiden, Metallica, Pantera, etc. was floored by what he saw. In his words "this makes Slayer look like kid games". I was a big Nine Inch Nails fan myself (never got into the goth thing, just liked the music) and what I see today makes Reznor look like Pollyanna.
So, something is going on. Exactly what? I don't know.