manjit
New
Hi All, when I first posted here a few people asked me questions about my use of psychedelics compared to mystical experiences, or some such! I just posted this to another forum in response to a question, so thought I would copy and paste here. It's long, pretty rambling, badly formatted and generally hard to read no doubt. Also, some context will obviously be lost (as posted on another forum where some may know my life & background a little more):
These are my experiences:
1) LSD - in my early to late teens, I did around a dozen or so trips, maybe more. (context: I'd had & been interested in spirituality, mystical experiences & altered states of consciousness since I can remember, so around 4 or so!).
Primary impression (in retrospection, of course, as it is 20+ years later): synthetic, sensual & thought based. Only ONE of these trips I could even remotely consider analogous to "mystical", kundalini or enlightenment type experiences. That was during the peak of the absolute "cleanest" LSD I'd ever taken (a black "microdot"), many times stronger and cleaner than any of the others I had taken and were generally available (in london, amongst kids in early 1990s). During that trip I encountered what appeared to be synethesia, extreme time distortion, seeing with eyes closed, telepathy with my co-trippers, the word "LSD-25" written everywhere across the air....which I *think* I only found out years later was the scientific name for a very good type of LSD.......but anyway, during the absolute peak of this intense trip I lost all sense of a "self" within physical time and space. I became what, in retrospect now, I would call a synthetic absolute consciousness state. I had to keep reminding myself, out loud (in reality or my mind, I could not tell you! I think I was saying it physically out loud) that "my name is manjit, I have 2 parents called so & so, my friend's name is so & so, I go to so and so school" etc etc I was doing this to ground myself in some sort of reality, as the emptiness & expanse of the absolute state was awe-full....albeit blissful..... Now, in retrospect, I would call this experience a synthetic version of the absolute state of consciousness that can be experienced at a certain stage of meditation (either insight or concentration)....and which I did experience without the use of any substances a decade later. The natural experience is far "cleaner" and more, errrm, natural than through the use of LSD, and also far more pleasant (perhaps for a variety of reasons which can be speculated about).
2) MDMA - Taken around half a dozen or so tabs up to my mid 20s, of which I know reliably most were of very good quality. Never really affected/impressed me too much, though I could clearly sense the changes physically & emotionally.....to be honest, I think simple spiritual life & practice pretty much can put you into a 24/7 state to what MDMA can temporarily, which is why, personally, I thought MDMA was very nice and pleasant, but just like I normally feel, just very slightly "more"! On a physical level, something does occur that is hard to pin down......as a young man in a club on a love drug, it is asonishing just how many women can be attracted to you in an almost "supernatural" manner
Again, this is something that can also occur through non-drug related "tantric" practices, and I'm basing that on experience not theory. Most interestingly, the day after the best MDMA experience I had, I had the exact same experience.......and I mean EXACT........that I had during intensive meditation when what I would call a "heart chakra" opening occurred - basically an intense, long lasting orgasm of love pouring out of the heart during which rivers of tears may be cried. This is love but not of a sexual kind. Compassion. But also real orgasmic pleasure *physically* sensed in the chest area. This experience absolutely fascinated me, as this experience was so identical to the meditation based chakra opening (labels I don't necessarily agree with), that I'm fairly certain on a personal level, there is SOME connection there betweem the traditional "path" of mystical ascent in for example indian or tibetan tantra, and the use of certain plants or chemicals. As, actually, bot the indian and tibetan texts from 1000+ years ago clearly state anyway......
3) Mushrooms - Pretty much a weaker version of very good lsd, slightly less synthetic feel though. I haven't had enough experience with these to be an expert. The strongest dose I ever took of mushrooms was AFTER my "kundalini" and "enlightenment" experiences (whatever any of those words mean). I specifically sought them out and took them purely to see how it would affect me now (then, 10 or so years ago, right after my kundalini episodes), how it would effect the "spiritual" or kundalini or enlightened state of consciousness. It occurred how I suspected it would....whilst I knew I was tripping quite hard, my consciousness remained completely unimpressed and unperturbed, and basically chuckled all the way through the trip.....trips "pre-kundalini" were always accompanied by at least some level of anxiety at some point, either before or during....but not this time. Basically, I was unimpressed by mushrooms, but I may be biased because I took my only strong and memorable dose after my brain was already completely fried by kundalini :) (aside: of course, I could just have been tripping that the trip wasn't affecting me!!)
4) Salvia Divinorum - Again taken after my "kundalini" episodes some 10 or so years ago. I personally didn't enjoy the smoking of it, the experience felt very "druggy" or hallucinatory to me. But, others have had significant experiences with it. Perhaps my "gear" was poor quality, and I never used the extracted or stronger stuff. However, for me, the much more difficult and costly way of using the sub-lingual tincture (maybe in conjunction with smoking) was quite impressive & profound. It's very, very hit and miss....it worked on the 3rd try for me I believe, so I can imagine how others would give it up. I also showed the substance great respect, and ritualised the usage of it....perhaps it "opened" up to me on my 3rd attempt when it knew I was serious! Anyway, as an experienced lucid dreamer/astral projector and more than cannot be described, I was still none-the-less mildly intrigued by the Salvia :) I've written down my experience in full on this forum, but basically it was like a subtle lucid dream world you gently find yourself falling into, and there meeting archetypal beings that feel very very real indeed. One main experience was meeting old mother nature and her husband (?!?!?) out in some forest somewhere, feeling their energy, and then her getting angry and shouting at me "tell them not to fuck with me". I have no idea what that meant (fuck with nature, or Salvia??), but I feel obliged to recall it every time I discuss Salvia, just in case haha :) I subsequently read a report, years later, on erowid where somebody had shared the exact same experience (except the swearing part)......I think Salvia and indeed all plants have an intelligence in some dimension of reality. Occassionally, a plant like salvia is kind enough to throw a molecule or 2 of something that lets us interface with their reality.....it's a sideways glance at reality, but certainly not an absolute one.....
5) Ahhhh, DMT :) My favourite, yet the only one I haven't tried?!?! Why? First, I know about DMT through numerous sources going back 10 years. I've read both Rick Strassman's book (and have his new one by my bedside), seen the documentary and about 30 others, checked out the experiences of people on forums etc etc I also know several people that have taken it personally. Incidentally, I have some ayahuasca (the various parts of it) at home for the last 10 years, but I've never considered taking it for several reasons.
The thing with DMT that impresses me most is, that the reports of people who "break-through" on it are in many ways identical to my "peak" kundalini awakening experiences. As are, in some ways, NDEs. But DMT users will often report unique, indescribable experiences of profound meaning & scope...and I think to myself "oh shit, that's kind of like what I experienced at the absolute peak of the energetic transformations.....and I thought I was so unique and special!!! I thought I had seen & experienced things that nobody else could comprehend and understand, but then I see some kid on youtube seeing & speaking the exact same things I learnt over 20 years of devotion!!!
But hey, as they say it's quite likely it's an endogenous chemical, one of the very few chemicals allowed past the blood brain barrier, is possibly released by the pineal gland during death etc etc.
Perhaps it really is the materio-chemical interface between matter and other realms of the consciousnsess?
I don't really know, just speculating, of course. I, too, have a slight aversion to reducing "sprituality" this way, but we must at least consider it.
Incidentally, on Christmas Eve a friend of mine called me up to say someone offered him DMT. I'm not pushing him to get it, but there's a chance he will. If he does, I will definitely try it until I break through to compare it to my own experiences. That would be interesting. But I'm not concerned either way )
Peace:
These are my experiences:
1) LSD - in my early to late teens, I did around a dozen or so trips, maybe more. (context: I'd had & been interested in spirituality, mystical experiences & altered states of consciousness since I can remember, so around 4 or so!).
Primary impression (in retrospection, of course, as it is 20+ years later): synthetic, sensual & thought based. Only ONE of these trips I could even remotely consider analogous to "mystical", kundalini or enlightenment type experiences. That was during the peak of the absolute "cleanest" LSD I'd ever taken (a black "microdot"), many times stronger and cleaner than any of the others I had taken and were generally available (in london, amongst kids in early 1990s). During that trip I encountered what appeared to be synethesia, extreme time distortion, seeing with eyes closed, telepathy with my co-trippers, the word "LSD-25" written everywhere across the air....which I *think* I only found out years later was the scientific name for a very good type of LSD.......but anyway, during the absolute peak of this intense trip I lost all sense of a "self" within physical time and space. I became what, in retrospect now, I would call a synthetic absolute consciousness state. I had to keep reminding myself, out loud (in reality or my mind, I could not tell you! I think I was saying it physically out loud) that "my name is manjit, I have 2 parents called so & so, my friend's name is so & so, I go to so and so school" etc etc I was doing this to ground myself in some sort of reality, as the emptiness & expanse of the absolute state was awe-full....albeit blissful..... Now, in retrospect, I would call this experience a synthetic version of the absolute state of consciousness that can be experienced at a certain stage of meditation (either insight or concentration)....and which I did experience without the use of any substances a decade later. The natural experience is far "cleaner" and more, errrm, natural than through the use of LSD, and also far more pleasant (perhaps for a variety of reasons which can be speculated about).
2) MDMA - Taken around half a dozen or so tabs up to my mid 20s, of which I know reliably most were of very good quality. Never really affected/impressed me too much, though I could clearly sense the changes physically & emotionally.....to be honest, I think simple spiritual life & practice pretty much can put you into a 24/7 state to what MDMA can temporarily, which is why, personally, I thought MDMA was very nice and pleasant, but just like I normally feel, just very slightly "more"! On a physical level, something does occur that is hard to pin down......as a young man in a club on a love drug, it is asonishing just how many women can be attracted to you in an almost "supernatural" manner
3) Mushrooms - Pretty much a weaker version of very good lsd, slightly less synthetic feel though. I haven't had enough experience with these to be an expert. The strongest dose I ever took of mushrooms was AFTER my "kundalini" and "enlightenment" experiences (whatever any of those words mean). I specifically sought them out and took them purely to see how it would affect me now (then, 10 or so years ago, right after my kundalini episodes), how it would effect the "spiritual" or kundalini or enlightened state of consciousness. It occurred how I suspected it would....whilst I knew I was tripping quite hard, my consciousness remained completely unimpressed and unperturbed, and basically chuckled all the way through the trip.....trips "pre-kundalini" were always accompanied by at least some level of anxiety at some point, either before or during....but not this time. Basically, I was unimpressed by mushrooms, but I may be biased because I took my only strong and memorable dose after my brain was already completely fried by kundalini :) (aside: of course, I could just have been tripping that the trip wasn't affecting me!!)
4) Salvia Divinorum - Again taken after my "kundalini" episodes some 10 or so years ago. I personally didn't enjoy the smoking of it, the experience felt very "druggy" or hallucinatory to me. But, others have had significant experiences with it. Perhaps my "gear" was poor quality, and I never used the extracted or stronger stuff. However, for me, the much more difficult and costly way of using the sub-lingual tincture (maybe in conjunction with smoking) was quite impressive & profound. It's very, very hit and miss....it worked on the 3rd try for me I believe, so I can imagine how others would give it up. I also showed the substance great respect, and ritualised the usage of it....perhaps it "opened" up to me on my 3rd attempt when it knew I was serious! Anyway, as an experienced lucid dreamer/astral projector and more than cannot be described, I was still none-the-less mildly intrigued by the Salvia :) I've written down my experience in full on this forum, but basically it was like a subtle lucid dream world you gently find yourself falling into, and there meeting archetypal beings that feel very very real indeed. One main experience was meeting old mother nature and her husband (?!?!?) out in some forest somewhere, feeling their energy, and then her getting angry and shouting at me "tell them not to fuck with me". I have no idea what that meant (fuck with nature, or Salvia??), but I feel obliged to recall it every time I discuss Salvia, just in case haha :) I subsequently read a report, years later, on erowid where somebody had shared the exact same experience (except the swearing part)......I think Salvia and indeed all plants have an intelligence in some dimension of reality. Occassionally, a plant like salvia is kind enough to throw a molecule or 2 of something that lets us interface with their reality.....it's a sideways glance at reality, but certainly not an absolute one.....
5) Ahhhh, DMT :) My favourite, yet the only one I haven't tried?!?! Why? First, I know about DMT through numerous sources going back 10 years. I've read both Rick Strassman's book (and have his new one by my bedside), seen the documentary and about 30 others, checked out the experiences of people on forums etc etc I also know several people that have taken it personally. Incidentally, I have some ayahuasca (the various parts of it) at home for the last 10 years, but I've never considered taking it for several reasons.
The thing with DMT that impresses me most is, that the reports of people who "break-through" on it are in many ways identical to my "peak" kundalini awakening experiences. As are, in some ways, NDEs. But DMT users will often report unique, indescribable experiences of profound meaning & scope...and I think to myself "oh shit, that's kind of like what I experienced at the absolute peak of the energetic transformations.....and I thought I was so unique and special!!! I thought I had seen & experienced things that nobody else could comprehend and understand, but then I see some kid on youtube seeing & speaking the exact same things I learnt over 20 years of devotion!!!
But hey, as they say it's quite likely it's an endogenous chemical, one of the very few chemicals allowed past the blood brain barrier, is possibly released by the pineal gland during death etc etc.
Perhaps it really is the materio-chemical interface between matter and other realms of the consciousnsess?
I don't really know, just speculating, of course. I, too, have a slight aversion to reducing "sprituality" this way, but we must at least consider it.
Incidentally, on Christmas Eve a friend of mine called me up to say someone offered him DMT. I'm not pushing him to get it, but there's a chance he will. If he does, I will definitely try it until I break through to compare it to my own experiences. That would be interesting. But I'm not concerned either way )
Peace: