Hi All. Someone I met on strawberry hill has just sent me the following report. On a personal level, he has no real interest to discuss or debate, or even share this any more really, but as he said he would and perhaps some would find it interesting, he said it can be shared here. He hopes everyone realises it's just his personal experience & understanding, and has no intention of offending or upsetting anyone :)
I want to type this up whilst I'm still undecided & unsure about this, as it may be interesting to look back at retrospectively when my thoughts have settled...
Preparation:
Hadn't used any psychedelics for around 10 or so years. So, I prepare for the DMT experiment by following my intuition. I intuitively ate very little for at least 7 days prior....typically one meal a day, which is very unusual for me. Stopped going online or checking private emails for about 3 days prior. Apart from going to work, my evenings were spent alone & in meditation or reading for 3 full days prior. For about 2 weeks prior, synchronicities and, I will have to say, without doubt "psychic" experiences were ramped up into overdrive (upto to 5 incidents an hour, and confirmed independantly by witnesses). Tell tale signs of my own "kundalini" (whatever that is) being unusually active for those 2 weeks too (stiff neck, head tremors, feelings of overwhelming universal love etc). All signs were positive and it felt like something important was imminent! Asides for tea, coffee & tobacoo, no other drugs or medication like alchohol or paracetamol were consumed for at least 5 days.
The experiences:
Having Saturday as the day of the "experiment", on Friday I decided to try a heroic dose of Salvia Divinorum, as I had heard it was also a powerful "ego shredder" or whatever. I had done this numerous times before 10 years ago but was not particularly impressed with the
benefits of smoking it (whereas the tincture is pretty beautiful & meaningful), so thought I would try one last time as a "prep" for Saturday's DMT. I had only used normal leaf before, but I had a 6x extract I hadn't ever used. So I smoked around .27g of this extract, 3 or 4 long tokes, and I'm in Salvia's World. Reality folds in on itself, thousands of pixies invade the landscape whilst a lovely Hansel & Gretel house is constructing itself behind me.
And I think "oh yeah, this again. So what?" Reality starts folding in on itself ever more rapidly, as if trying to impress me. I think "so what, is that it?". Then I can sense the female spirit of "Salvia" and she is talking to me (telephatically or whatever, no actual words), and I canse sense she feels hurt and disappointed with me, because I took this strong dose rather casually whilst I was actually all excited about the DMT for tomorrow! She was kinda trying to terrify me
and was saying "HOW DARE YOU THINK OF ME SO CALMLY!! SAY SORRY!! SAY SORRY! OR I WILL TWIST AND DISTORT REALITY TILL YOU CAN'T HANDLE IT!!! SAY SORRY!!". At this point, I felt compassion for the entity, and with a kind of shrug of the shoulders & cheeky smile said "okay, okay, I'm sorry!!". At that point I sensed her calm down, and a kind of hidden "behind the scenes" begrudging respect from her. The trip slowly started to de-intensify, and I was back to normal after a few more minutes.
I have to say, I was a little impressed with intensity. But I don't see anything "spiritual" here, imo. (well, either EVERYTHIN is "spiritual", or NOTHING is, but this is a relative statement that makes sense to ME personally)
Next day was the big day! I got up early, totally cleaned myself & the room, burnt incense, meditated, watched a random 1 1/2 tibetan buddhist talk (all intuitive acts). Think I ate 2 toast at 9am and a cup of tea, that's all. By 2.46pm, I had dosed up 50mg of, was holding the device which contained all the smoke. I took it one hit and held it for around 20 seconds. Within seconds of taking it in, I instantly recognised the state (in retrospect, it is very reminscient of the
peak of the large mushrooms dose I took, but also of peak LSD and Salvia, too. But there is also that weird element of "knowing" it but without knowing how or when) and thought "oh, this again, I remember". I got a high pitched ringing sound on my right hand side (which, actually, was just an extension of the ringing sound I can hear whenever I place attention there, as probably most/many people can...I remember hearing it in childhood, then forgetting about it, then it re-appearing during and ever since my "kundalini awakening" 13 odd years ago). The sound increased in intensity, I closed my eyes (I think) and I was in the tryptamine palace. The weird living hallucinations, the beautiful geometric patterns (which I'd never actually seen on anything else before, almost EXACTLY as they're depicted on CGI art!). I could sense beings around me, I saw a goblin like creature curled up in the arch of a church window sort of thing,
And other such general hallucinations. All very beautifull & pleasant. Interestingly, it also seemed to me as if Salvia had made an appearance during this trip, and she was kind of saying "see, you brought DMT into that trip last night by thinking about it, now I'm invading your DMT trip!!" It actually appeared to me as if Salvia was battling the DMT and was the more powerful....if that makes any sense! The device used was completely different, and salvinorum a shouldn't last in the system the 16 or so hours later I took the DMT, but there she was!!
All in all - I was completely and utterly underwhelmed by the experience. Beautiful - yes. Entertaining - yes. Spiritual - no. I'm sorry if that offends anyone. I've spent 10 odd years basically suggesting I think it may well be the "spirit molecule", with not a negative word about it. But here I was, completely underwhelmed by it. I must not of "broke-through" despite losing physical awareness, seeing the spinning disk, having a completely trippy "peak" which involved kind of inexplicable scenarious and "beings" etc? I was also surprised at how quickly the memories of all the details can fade, bit like dreams...
The rest of the day I was pretty euphoric from the trip, but completely underwhelmed at it's place in the grander scheme of things as I experienced/understood them. I just KNEW what the trip was, I knew it TOO WELL, and it doesn't impress me - or even remotely compare to what I personally consider "spiritual" experiences. Still, the euphoric trippy rest of the day was nice.
Next day, I increased the dose (60mg - perhaps wastage from my method I thought), and took 2 huge lungfulls before I again closed my eyes (I think). Didn't hear the ringing sound this time, but the room did kind of "tear apart" into the "tryptamine" zone, absolutely beautiful geometric patterns, then you're in a room made of living pink flesh, trippy swirls encompass your being, then, well, maybe, I don't know, you "break-through" (???) into the peak which is where I saw odd things that cannot be put into words (for eg. I saw a universe peak out from a crack in this universe!! Meaningless!), and I saw much more beings this time...but misty, whooshing past, kind of felt like they were avoiding me.
Not impressed.
Up the dosage 60-70mg, wait an hour - 3 huge lungfulls. Same as above, no ringing sound again, took slower to come on though, went through all the patterns, "break-through??" into the peak "past" those patterns, where the weirdness really goes on, and this time I saw much
more beings, and much clearer. The vast majority were slinking away in corners, hiding. I kept thinking "come on then, do something! You lot are nothing!!! Where's the astonishment? Stop hiding away like scared little things!!" There was one which reminded me to McKenna's "beings
made of language", as that's exactly what I thought when seeing it. The best "being", though, was one that looked identical to SSP's profile - seriously, IDENTICAL. It kind of grew out of the ground, and just stood there and looked at me. I was like "yeah, do something interesting then". Then I kind of got it, it was saying "we don't have anything to teach you, you know we are you, and you are we, that's all". I came down.
I searched frantically online to see if I had indeed "broken-through".
This experience was just so under-whelming, I rechecked if I was doing something incorrectly, and the "signs" of break-through. I was now very unsure, as all the indications were that I may well have done. Actually, I was beginning to wonder if it mattered - I instantly recognised the "tryptamine state", and it's just not what I consider "spiritual" or even "powerful" at all, really, however "intense" it gets. Pleasant distraction, perhaps. It may have it's benefit for those who cannot even conceive of an intense alternate state of consciousness, a "crack" through which external light can appear - but there are just so many sources of light, I begin to suspect that what we may have here is people mistakenly assuming the alternate tryptamine reality is some sort of higer level "spiritual" reality when it is, imo, less than 5% of the spectrum.....it made me sad to think this. I will share this online, but I will not argue or proselytise (especially in context of my years of suggesting DMT really is a kind of "spirit" molecule in discussions), we must each live our own lives and paths and realities.
Anyway, today, had day off work, upped dosage to 100mg, took in 3 deep., long held hits.
Nothing at all!! Unbelievable! Tolerance is not meant to be an issue, I've upped dose ridiculously, know I did it right as it wasn't burnt, smoke was filled, tasted right, 3 lungfuls held for 15 secs each - mild, mild, threshold effects barely noticable. Waited an hour, did another 100mg. Nothing!! What???? At least I got some sort of memorable trip off the 3 trips on the 2 days before!!
I've clearly built up some sort of tolerance - but I also wonder, and this is why I'm writing this now (some few hours after), if that in itself isn't all that I was supposed to learn from this substance? Yesterday, the trip was underwhelming, the beings were basically cowering away, and the main, "powerful" one just hinted at me that we've got nothing to teach you, pure neutrality extended from me to it and vice versa. Not impressed!
Anyway - the last few days have been interesting, and I do believe I've learnt a LOT - and I wonder if DMT was indeed a "spirit molecule", that it wouldn't in fact work on different dimensions appropriate to the individual other than just tripping and seeing magical things and perceiving "beings" (which I considered in all my experiences as, ultimately, projections of my "self" however much I play along...), and that the experiences I had weren't perfectly appropriate for me? This is my devil's advocate argument/thought.
Yet, I remain underwhelmed. Un-astonished. Un-impressed. I also feel a little saddened at the thought that people believe this "tryptamine" state of consciousness is as close to the "divine" (whatever that is) as is possible. Imo and ime, it is not even close, remotely. Almost infinite layers deeper it can go. The metaphor my own mind has created to make sense of the experience in words is that the tryptamine state is like a little box of experience lying in the infinite expanse of total reality. A box the takes up about 1% of the total space. And that is all that is being explored when on these substances.
Just imo. There are many ways to interpret my experiences, and I'm sure my own understanding will evolve over the coming days and weeks. I plan on taking one more 100mg dose next weekend, and then done with it. Actually, I feel done with it already, and I feel that it was these 2 huge doses that didn't result in any hallucinations which taught me that, ironically.
Perhaps it does work in mysterious ways!!